Family and Friends Possibilities for Change

Bad things happen to good people. People who become ill or disabled do not have to blame themselves. Even if you have contributed to your problem, for instance you smoked when your doctor told you not to and now you have emphysema, you are not a bad person. You were in the grip of a habit that was hard to break.

Let's take smoking, for example. If there is blame to place, what about the government that gives tobacco farmers subsidies to grow their plants? Or the cigarette manufacturers who add substances to their product to make them more addictive? Or the advertisers who make smoking cigarettes look appealing? In most instances, individuals alone rarely cause their problems single-handedly.

Self-blame is a problem for specific reasons. Think about these questions:

• Does feeling bad about yourself make it easier or harder to take care of yourself now
• Are you more or less likely to ask for help, if you blame yourself or think you are a bad person?

These are some approaches to living with illness that may make it easier.

• Let people know. Do not isolate yourself.
• Ask for help. Often people don't know what they can do to help. Giving someone something specific to do can be helpful to them.
• Find at least one person to confide in. Talking to a good listener may not make the illness go away, but it will help to feel less alone with it.
• Get medical help. Don't try to mange your problem on your own.
• Get information to help you understand your illness or disability. Knowledge makes people feel more in control.
• Find a support group for your condition in your community or on the internet.
• Reduce stress. This may seem impossible, but even reducing stress in one area can have a positive impact. You may need help in accomplishing this.
• Eat a healthy diet and get enough sleep and rest.
• Try meditation for stress, fear and pain reduction. Most medical centers now teach meditation for relief of physical and emotional pain.