Introduction
Living with Depression
Understanding depression
Possibilities for Change
Therapy for Depression
Teenagers and Depression
Couples and Depression
If your partner is depressed...
Questions to ask yourself and others about depression
Some Ideas For Addressing Depression
A Case Study - A Mother's Story
[part 2]
Do's and Dont's around Depression
Audio Workshops

Depression

What to Do If Your Friend Is Depressed

A friend who was once upbeat and social has lately been withdrawn. She seems lethargic, especially introverted, neglectful of her appearance. It's as though she's building a thick wall around herself. You know she's hurting and you're worried about her. You feel helpless and want to help her.

The most important thing you can do for a friend is to just listen. It may be difficult to resist the temptation to give advice or try to cheer her up, but someone who's down benefits most from an active listener. You want to enable her to express emotions, organize thoughts and perhaps come closer to finding her own solutions.

Try to listen with compassion, rather than judgment. Depression often brings forth a less than worthy experience of one's self and criticism will only make your friend feel unsafe and rejected and offer more support to the story of depression.

Don't do the following; they're real conversation stoppers:

  • You have so many things to be thankful for, why are you so depressed?

  • Do you feel better now?

  • Try to think about all those other people who are worse off than you.

  • You think you've got problems...

  • You need to get out more.

  • You don't look depressed.

  • Go out and get some fresh air... that always makes me feel better.

  • You need a boy/girl-friend, hobby, baby, new job...

  • Just don't think about it.

It's not up to you to pull your friend out of depression; however, you can listen, observe and offer love and compassion. Sometimes helping with mundane tasks can ease a friend's burden. Since simple chores may be a struggle, washing a friend's dishes, food shopping, straightening a messy house, or simply offering an invitation to go out or dropping by with a good story can offer tremendous relief.

Remember, depression gets people thinking that they do not deserve friends. The best way to stand against depression is to let your friend know that he or she is a worthy and lovable friend.