How can I keep focused on what is most important to me (which will be different at different times) instead of getting pulled into trying to fit the lifestyle norm?
If you could ask your partner's help in sustaining you, what would she say about you that would let her know you can do it?
What else might she say?
What might she most hope you would keep alive about her and about the relationship? Why?
Who in your life might continue to honor your relationship? Is there a way you can facilitate that happening?

What are the most important concerns for me right now?
How can I put the other concerns on hold or get temporary help (for example, so that I can make life shape decisions after responding to the grief)?
What aspects of my life and experience are most important to me?
If I shape my life to honor those aspects, what will be the effects on my life and relationships?
What would my partner say about changing my life shape this way?

If you could ask your partner what he knows about you that would give him confidence in your ability to face the future, what would he say?
Which of his words would you like to keep available to you as you continue in life?
How would he support your changing your life to fit not having a partner?
How would keeping him in your heart and mind make a difference as you face the future?
In reviewing your life, what interests and activities have been most meaningful? Are there ways that you can re-engage (or stay engaged) with them now?
What can you draw on in your relationships and experience to help you through this time?
What memories give you confidence in your abilities? What relationships sustain you?