Grief and Loss

Solutions for dealing with the death of a partner

Do's

• Give yourself permission to grieve in your own way, taking your own time.

• Realize that the grieving process will probably be discontinuous.

• Sort out the different problems associated with the loss and respond to those that are easily remedied.

• Consider whether the societal idea of letting go and moving on is right for you.

• Allow yourself to continue the relationship with your partner in your heart and mind if it suits you to do so.

• Allow yourself to talk about your partner and encourage those around you to do so if you find this helpful.

• Draw on relationships with friends and family.

• Consider joining support groups of people going through similar experiences.

• Turn to God or spirituality in any way that you find meaningful.

• Create or continue whatever rituals of relationship that you would find sustaining, such as talking to your partner or celebrating your anniversary.

• Feel free to enjoy your memories and keep them part of your experience. It may be more satisfying to see the memories as though you are there seeing through your own eyes, rather than watching yourself in the memory.

• Try out taking on interests and activities of your partner. You may feel closer to him by carrying on something that he would be doing if he were still alive.

Don'ts

• Assume that there is a right way of responding to your partner's death.

• Allow yourself to be pushed to move on or to be finished grieving.

• Be silenced about your partner if you find it meaningful to talk about him.