Grief and Loss

Loss of a Partner Later in Life

After Gracie Allen's death, George Burns reported that he had trouble sleeping. He solved the problem by switching from his twin bed to Gracie's.

Reading Burns' account of how he ended his sleeping problem brought a knowing grin to Renee's face. She had grown up not five blocks from where her Uncle Jim and Aunt Lucia lived and had witnessed the way they split tasks around the house: Aunt Lucia cooked and cleaned. She was quiet and proper and kept the house spotless.

Uncle Jim was a fixer and a tinkerer. He kept things running in tip-top shape. You could always find him in greasy overalls, halfway under a car or sink, tools spread around him, cursing up a storm. Renee knew her Aunt Lucia was going to be okay after Uncle Jim's death, when Renee came for a visit and Lucia, cursing, described how she had fixed the dishwasher.

Losing a partner you have been with most of your life, which is often true in the later years, has unique challenges:

• Lack of experience with and fear of taking on roles and duties the partner "specialized" in

• Habits developed over a lifetime which may no longer fit an un-partnered life

• Fear of facing the future without a partner. (The expectations of re-partnering may be smaller at this time of life and the future may look more frightening.)

See our items with Questions and Solutions for Grief and Loss