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 Trauma
and Abuse
Possibilities for Change
Understanding the logical and functional reasons for self-harming
behavior allows women and those who care about them to approach
the problem of the reenactment of trauma and abuse from a position
of compassion and respect. Many girls (advice on trauma for Youth)
and women feel that their connection to anorexia and bulimia (more
on Anorexia
within Problems), addiction, or an abusive partner, is more "safe"
than the offerings of helping, protective relationships.
One way to think about trauma reenactment is that women often see
it as the best way a woman can continue to be in charge of her own
body.
Without counseling, women might also view self-harm as the best
way to tell the story of their pain.
The cycle of trauma reenactment is a story about the actors in
the childhood trauma scenario. They are:
A woman struggling with bulimia may be enacting these dynamics
when she binges and purges. She may have an internal struggle with
herself when she gets obsessed with her boyfriend. Fearing dependency
and acute vulnerability, she switches instead to becoming obsessed
about her craving to binge. As she begins the binge part of the
cycle, she is simultaneously saying "I have to have this whole cake"
(the voice of the Abuser) and "No, I don't want to do this to myself"
(the voice of the child Victim). When she says to herself, "But
I can't help it, I have to do it, I just can't stop myself," she
is also speaking the role of the Non-Protecting Bystander, the person/s
who didn't protect her in childhood.
If you reenact trauma, here is what you can do:
- Take the voice of the abuser outside of yourself and begin
to name whose voice is saying what. This allows you to separate
yourself from harmful voices and realize that you are not responsible
for the actions of past abuse. You are also able to locate your
story of survival and other positive aspects of yourself that
disappeared as a result of the trauma. Having now separated the
voices and named them, you can tell the experience of your story.
Begin to identify:
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the Victim voice - "If I do this again it is going to hurt"
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the Abuser representation - the voice and identification of
persons linked to self-harmful behavior or the destructive relationship
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the Non-Protecting Bystander - untangling self blame and the
voices that have told you "I can't do anything to stop this"
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Replace these voices with a Protective Presence. This can happen
in a therapy relationship or a network of relationships that
collectively create a safe environment.
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Create a network of relationships: this often happens through
groups for women and/or girls who have experienced the pain
of trauma and self-harmful relationships. For some, it happens
through communities such as spiritual communities, neighborhood
groups outdoor/wilderness clubs, animal rescue organizations,
and so on. where they can begin to feel new connections with
others.
The reenactment of trauma is so often centered in the body that
it needs to be addressed at the level of physical activity as well.
Many women and girls who are self-harmful through abusing their
own bodies or being in situations where their bodies are being abused,
need to learn new ways to live in their bodies. This can happen
through learning to: relax and center through breathing and meditation
techniques, yoga, dancing, self-defense, walking, climbing, singing,
drumming.
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